Cleaning out the Closet :Gabe:

[James Dillion Halsey]

James wasn't really sure what he was doing, but once he had already done it, what other choice was there? He didn't have a lot of money and he couldn't go to Hunter, he doubted he was going to see the man again after this. Hunter was not going to forgive him this time. The now Ex-Death Eater, had no idea what he was going to do. He just knew that he couldn't put Gabe through this anymore. Sitting on the couch in their apartment, James was already mourning. Beside his feet, was a bag of  all his clothes and pepper up potion. 

He kept checking the time to see when Gabe would be getting home, he had already made dinner for them both, even if wasn't hungry. He didn't think he would be for a long time either. Having a choice like this, he was having an issue swallowing air let alone solid foods. Leaving right now was the only thing James could think of that would be okay, he couldn't ask Gabe to leave with him, Gabe had his career. Which he was doing so well, he practically lived with the band working on everything, he deserved to get somewhere with his music. James understood how important that was too him. He wanted his boyfriend to do good too, he went to all the performances he could. He sang right along with Gabe, mouthing the lyrics, but Merlin knows James couldn't sing. 

After the incident, seeing Gabe so strung out with worry, James knew he just couldn't keep doing this to him. Gabe needed someone who would be able to make it all his shows and didn't have the kind of past that James never got over. Sure his life had turned out for the better, but it wouldn't have it wasn't for Hunter. The man who brought him to the Death Eaters. Without either of those, he would have never even met Gabe. That past, without it, he wouldn't have met the two most important people in his life.  Now one was going to hate him the other..well, James just wasn't sure. Looking to the door when he finally heard it open, James just waited, the food was int he kitchen under a heating charm. "Hey." 

Gabriel Roman Sykse

[Gabriel Roman Sykse]

Gabe had spent the last few days drowning himself in music. He didn't want to think about how difficult everything was becoming. He didn't want to think about how badly he was hurting or how selfish he had been. He didn't want to think about apologizing to James for making him feel useless. He didn't want to think at all. He was beginning to think that music wasn't enough, but he wouldn't go back to his life before James, he wouldn't turn back and face his demons, not now, not ever.

Pushing open the door the black haired male looked up when James greeted him. For some reason he didn't think his boyfriend would be home. Dropping his bags and guitar at the door he gave a small wave. "Hey." He stretched and leaned against the door. "So I've got a gig all planned out. The guys think it'll be a great idea, but I'm-" He stopped when he saw James' bag. "Going somewhere," he asked. Maybe a mission was what he was guessing. "How long will you be gone this time? The gig isn't for another few weeks, so maybe you'll be able to go?"

Something was wrong. He could feel it in the air and he had been with James long enough to know  that this was not a good thing. He looked off to the side, his slanted eyes narrowing lightly. Was James about to leave him? This was a joke right? He almost laughed. Maybe it was just shock, or maybe he wanted to laugh because he was being so stupid for assuming. "Did you cook dinner? Smells good." His brown eyes turned back to James, his gaze unwavering as he pushed himself from the wall and started towards the shorter male.

Gabe put his hand on James head and ruffled his arm. "I'll find a movie for us if you bring the plates." He grabbed the remote and went to flipping through the channel. "Anyway, I'm not sure about the gig. The place won't have enough seats for the fans and I want everyone there. I mean, it's bad if I turn down money, and the expose would be nice, but the place is pretty cramped. Maybe I'm just complaining too much. Hell if I know." He wanted to talk and talk to keep James from saying it. He didn't want to hear what James had to say unless it was positive. He didn't want to hear about how things were falling apart.

Everything's fine, or maybe I'm just delusional.

[James Dillion Halsey]

Listening to his boyfriend talk about an upcoming concert, he smiled, it was nice to know they were getting further along with their music. James wanted him to succeed, "I'll be right in front Gabe, I won't miss it." He meant it too, this is was just a show to the world, so he'd go. He'd probably look a little different, try to blend in amount Gabe's band's fans. "I'm...I'm gonna be gone for awhile. I'll come see your shows...if you-" James stopped when Gabe started talking again, not wanting to cut the conversation short, a huge part of him not wanting it to happen at all.

Nodding, he just go up to get the food from the kitchen. Letting out a breath, once he entered, he grabbed the food from the counter. The plates already set up, James had taken his time, not wanting to rush a moment of today. He looked around the kitchen for a second, sighing, he was going to be leaving this place before the day ended. This was hard to say goodbye too. Even if it was for a little while. Bringing the two plates back out, to where Gabe was, he held one out to him. "Gabe, we.." James tried again, when Gabe started to talk about his thoughts about the new gig. Moving his hand to Gabe's, "Shut up. You know you better take this, even if they don't all fit, you know your biggest fans will be there. You have to get these small ones to get to the bigger ones, and once your there, all your fans will be there. Plus new ones." James said, not even thinking twice about the words. He's heard his boyfriend play a hundred times, he's seen him very involved in his guitar. "You're nervous. It's okay." James reassured.

Taking a breath, "Gabe...we do need to talk though." James said, trying to pull his boyfriend attention back to the first topic about the bag. "I'm leaving for a little while, but..you know I'll come to your shows. I just..I can't stay here. I'm gonna be making some changes, and until those changes are done, I can't be around you. You want all these things...and I can't do that for you. I can't safely give you a family or keep you from worrying..and you deserve those things." James said, trying to reach out. It was something he had thought about saying, replayed the speech many time in his head, but still they came out dry. His heart was beating so fast he was scared Gabe could hear it, he didn't want to leave, but he had no other choice.

[Gabriel Roman Sykse]

The way James took a breath was enough for the brown haired male. He sat on the couch with a half expecting look. No, he wasn't delusional, he was just in denial. "I hate when you tell me that we have to talk," he said smoothly. "It always ends up being bad news or at least something I don't want to hear." He looked at James. "But that makes me selfish and I don't like being selfish, especially not with you." He looked up at the ceiling. "The way you speak makes it sound like you're leaving me. I want to say it hurts, but I don't want to hold you back." His brown eyes glanced to his boyfriend. "Just know that family and safety doesn't matter as long as I have you. You know that right?"

He moved towards James and kissed him lightly, his eyes holding James gaze. "I'll always worry, even if you're just sitting at home by yourself. Nothing matters more than you. Not the band, not my music, not even the Death Eaters. I'm going to worry because I love you. I deserve nothing James, but you do. You deserve so much that I haven't given you. I never meant to push you to the point in which you thought you needed to prove yourself. You were great before then and you are great now. Maybe I should have told you this sooner, but like I said, I can be selfish sometimes." He looked off to the side. "Whatever you decide, just know I'll always be thinking about you."

He didn't know what it meant to be selfless, but today he would be for James. He knew there was a chance that he'd waited to long to tell James that he was more than enough, but he'd support him either way. If they split forever after this, then Gabe would be okay. He was always okay, even if his world was being ripped apart. He would survive, he always had. So would James. That black haired idiot was stronger than Gabe would ever like to admit. He didn't care to talk about the band or the booking. No, he just wanted James to know that things would be okay, no matter which way things went. Even if they weren't, who was he to deny James that right of security.

If I can lessen the burden for him, if only a little, then I can say that I have done something positive for him. He moved to lean back against the couch, looking at James curiously as he waited. Sometimes Gabe questioned how he was capable of doing a complete three-sixty. Being able to be a near emotional mess before reverting to someone who was strong and stable. He knew why he did it. He wanted to protect James. The guy had enough problems and Gabe didn't like to add on to it. He preferred to write the problems in music and then develop it into something grand. Something worth while. Not just some sappy sob story, but the story of his life, a story that others could relate to and enjoy. Yeah, it was nice and he'd do it again and again.

He looked to James. "Can't we just have make up sex and pretend none of this ever happened," he asked almost jokingly.

[James Dillion Halsey]

Moving his body into Gabe's when he kissed him, James didn't want to let this go, he didn't want to stop this, what they had. But Gabe had his music and other things going than just James, James had his missions and Gabe. He was quitting one to keep the other, but he couldn't just quit knowing that there would be repercussions. Walking away from Death Eaters was walking away from Hunter, from Dylan, but it wasn't walking away from Gabe permanently, which was what James needed right now. Shaking his head into boyfriend chest, he moved his arms around Gabe's waist, "I'll be okay, I always am. Try..not to think about me too much. You'll just stress yourself out, work on your show. You..."

Pulling away, he looked at Gabe, eyebrows scrunched, "Don't you dare start that. Don't. You deserve a lot more than what I give you, don't reverse this. I'm a bartender Gabe, I'm a death eater bartender. That's it. And if you even want me after this, that's all I'm going to be. I'm not a singer, I'm not going to be making money like you, I can't take the lead in anything! I'm scared to hell about everything, but I'm so...I can't let you get hurt because I signed up for this. You didn't. Gabe you couldn't even look at me when I came home." Damn it, tears were coming too fast for James to stop them. He was angry at himself for putting himself in this situation, but he didn't have a choice really. Gabe was his world, Hunter had been his only family for so long that James did everything not to disappoint him.

"I can't do that again. I'll be going on missions you'll never approve of, and I can't deal with that Gabe. I can't. I have no choice to walk away or lie to you every day. I love you, I don't want you to get hurt if I get hurt, if I don't come back..then you'll be okay. If I stay, like you said, you can't deal with knowing something happen. I won't let that fall on you." James hated that night, the fight him and Gabe got into, the way Gabe did everything not to even look at him. How James had been so angry he had actually thrown his wand at him. Even angry at him though, Gabe was still selfless enough to take him to the hospital.

"Everything that is yours I left, everything that was ours I left, I took only what I know is only mine." James didn't say that he took one of Gabe's sweatshirts, muggle or not, James didn't want to let go of everything of his boyfriend. James didn't want to let go at all. But if he didn't walk away right now, all he was going to do was hurt Gabe more than he already did.

[Gabriel Roman Sykse]

Gabe held James quietly. He didn't want to let him go, because it would feel like he would be letting go for forever. The brown eyed male smiled. "Of course you'll be okay," he said as though it was obvious. "And James, I don't get stressed out. I just think you're an idiot who does idiotic things, like dying your hair blond and walking down Knockturn at night," he said with a small smile. "I'm not worried and you know I'll focus on my music either way. I'm just saying that I'm not going to stop you." When James pulled away he only shrugged. "All I deserve is my music and you. I can't ask for more than that. I don't need to reverse anything," he said nonchalantly. Gabe could play it cool if he wanted, he didn't need to break down, even if he wanted to inside.

"James, you could be a homeless death eater and I still wouldn't care," he told him with a small shrug. "Money's not an issue with me, rarely is." He crossed his legs and titled his head. "And we all know you'll never be a singer because you suck at it." He grinned. "As for me getting hurt, I get hurt every other day of the week whenever I hit a wrong string on my guitar while practicing. Or when one of the guys doesn't practice at all and then we sound like shit during a concert. Hell, I get hurt when you leave me to go work at that bar and I have to constantly remind myself that you're not going to flirt with anyone because you know I'd break your neck if you did."

He gave a dismissive wave. "Don't start crying, you know I hate when you do that." Yeah, he was back to typical old Gabe who gave James hell for nothing. "I couldn't look at you because I was pissed that you didn't tell me you were leaving, but that doesn't change a thing. James, you always piss me off. Even before I found out that you were a death eater. All it does is add on to the list. I hate when you don't put down the toilet seat, when you bitch and complain about muggle tv and yet you continue to watch it. I hate that you ask me if your hair looks good when it looks fine. I hate it all, but that's what couples do. If you abandon your family and I'm talking Hunter now, then you're only going to tear yourself apart. He raised you and you owe him to stay a death eater. You owe him to keep doing this. You owe me nothing but your love and if you love me, you won't walk out on me, because I would never walk out on you, ever."

Gabe leaned back on the couch, stretching out as best he could. "I could really use a shower," he murmured as if this conversation wasn't even happening. "Anyway, you don't have to tell me what you did or show me any evidence. I'm better off being left in the dark. And for the record, we both know that you didn't leave everything that was mine. If I check your bag I bet I'll find something that belongs to me," he said a bit amused. He motioned James towards him. "Come here and lay with me. We can keep talking, but I want you to lay with me for a while."

[James Dillion Halsey]

Moving into his boyfriend, James tried to bask in the comfort for a little while. It wouldn't be much longer before he was walking out that door. Shaking his head as if was going to say something, but he didn't have the right words. No, he wasn't going to be okay. He was going to be by himself, which he really didn't want. He didn't want to loose his family or his home or his life that he built. What choice did he have though? If he stayed, Gabe would get hurt. If he left though, Hunter would never forgive him. Turning to look up at Gabe, "You're lying. You do worry. Stop with the front Gabe...Can you just..stop okay? For me, just this once, don't make me read between the lines to see if you care." James didn't sound angry or even annoyed, just..desperate.

Closing his eyes just for a second, he shook his head again. "Gabe...You lied to me when I asked you to merry saying it was a tour, then turned around it wasn't. It was me being a death eater. You want a family..I want you to get that too." James didn't have one growing up, he wanted one now. He had Hunter, but that wasn't until he was already 16. He didn't want Gabe to walk away from building that. The thought alone though, of Gabe building that with anyone else, made James sick. Gabe had been his, his rockstar, his asshole of a boyfriend, but his family. Snorting, even though he wasn't in a humorous mood, James's eyes were still glossy from unshed tears. Gabe and him yelled, fought, got mad sure, but James knew that Gabe would never lay a finger on him. As for the other guy, if James got caught flirting, wouldn't really get the same treatment.

Starring at Gabe for a long second, before he couldn't stop the laughter from pouring out. It came out quiet and slow, before it was hurting his ribs. "You are the biggest asshole. Merlin...don't cry, I kinda hate everything about you, but don't cry" James really shouldn't have found it funny, but to him, it was really was. His heart was breaking so fast and hard, and here Gabe was asking him to stay in the worst possible way. He was shaking his head, but he was smiling, until Hunter was brought up again. He owed Hunter. "I owe you too. Look around you, you're my world Gabe. I'm not yours. Music is your world. It always will be. If I walk away, don't you understand you'll be better? No death eater boyfriend, no worries, you can do all the things you can't with me." James needed Gabe to understand that, even though there was nothing James wouldn't do for him, there was nothing he could offer his boyfriend anymore.

Opening his mouth for a second, he closed it again, unsure of what to say again. A shower. Right now, that's what Gabe was thinking about? Pursing his lips, he just nodded, that was one way of being dismissed. "Damn it Gabe! I don't that for you! Don't you get that?! I don't want you to have this shitty boyfriend who has to lie to you so you can bloody pretend to be happy! I just want you to be happy. And your not, you won't look at me, you don't want to talk, and the second I brought up spending forever with you...it's not something you can do because of what I am. So I tell you, I'm going to stop, for you. For us, because I need you a hell of a more then you need me." James was looked down at the bag, yeah, he took Gabe's sweatshirt. He didn't want to give it back, but he felt almost guilty now for taking it. After a few seconds, he nodded that took something. Opening up the small bag, he pulled out the sweatshirt, holding out to Gabe silently for him to take back.

Eyes drifted back to his boyfriend, the open arm that looked so inviting. So he did, he moved into Gabe. His arms around Gabe's waist, his head on Gabe's shoulder. "I'm sorry." What else could he even say? He was sorry, Gabe should be with someone who could at least promise to come home safely every nigh. Someone he could trust. Someone he would want to be with forever. He was just sorry.

[Gabriel Roman Sykse]

The Asian male looked at James. "This isn't a front. This is just me handling a situation that I've, up until recently, not have had to deal with," he said with an awkward shrug since James was laying on him. "I'm not making to read between the lines, James." He kissed him lightly. "Today's not one of those days. I can't put it to you any simpler. You're my world, whether you believe it or not. I wouldn't trade this for the world." Gabe then smiled, a big ass grin that came out of nowhere when James said he'd lied about the tour.

"What did you expect, I was shocked, scared, surprised," he said with a chuckle. "You can't just come and be like, 'Hey Gabriel, ask me to marry you.' How was I supposed to know it wasn't a right away thing. I mean, I didn't have a ring or anything." How he could manage to laugh in a time like this was beyond him, but he'd managed. "As for family, you, Hunter, the guys, and Jaxson are all I need. If you leave, you're taking away not one major part of my family, but two." He was serious about that. He didn't spend a lot of time at Hunter's, but the guy was pretty cool and he spent a great deal helping James out and Gabe was thankful for that. "What are you snorting about," he asked as he poked James in the cheek.

He then bit his lip. "Psh, I'm not the biggest asshole you've ever met. I'm sure there are guys worse than me." It was an asshole move to tell James that, but he believed in being brutally honest with this dork. He then sighed. "When have you ever known me to fake happiness. If you piss me off then I let you know and after a while I get over it. That's just me. I'm happy with you and if you leave, you might as well rip my heart out first. I don't want to have a broken heart and I think it's already cracking," he said quietly. Gabe scratched his nose. "Don't do stuff for me if you don't really know me, because right now, that's what it feels like. You would never ask me to quit music and I would never ask you to quit being a Death Eater."

When James retrieved the sweatshirt he smiled. "Damn you and your adorableness. Come here." When James moved into his arms he nuzzled him happily. It was probably the girliest thing he'd done in his life. "You want me to be honest, then here's my honesty. I love you so much that it hurts. I worry about you because that's what I'm supposed to do, because we're a couple. It wouldn't change if you weren't working for the Death Eaters. I worry that you're going to slip in the shower because you're a klutz, I worry that you're going to burn down the house, I worry that you're going to break the tv. I worry about stupid things, okay? The Death Eater stuff, I worry about it too, but I know it's apart of your life like I am. I don't want you to tear yourself apart trying to chose. I love you James, I really do. Without you I am nothing, not even with all of the music in the world. You make me so damn happy that it makes me sick."

He breathe in a small breath. "If you leave, I'd probably cry and I never cry. James, I don't know what to tell you for you to change your mind, I really don't. I can't imagine a life without you. I can't imagine not seeing your face every day, knowing that I can kiss you good morning and goodnight. I can't imagine not having you to cook for me. I can't imagine not walking in to all of your complaining. It's all I know. Your world is my world. I knew what I was signing up for when you told me you were a Death Eater. I can't help that I got pissed off about the foster parents thing James, I'm human, okay? I get pissed off and I say things I shouldn't and I wish that that wasn't the reason that you were trying to walk away from me. You walking out of my life would be crushing me. The very thought is suffocating and I'd rather be dead than live a second without you."

[James Dillion Halsey]

Looking up at Gabe, he bit the middle of his bottom lip, he wasn't really sure what to say. To him, yes, Gabe was making him read between the lines and guess but he really, truely didn't want to fight with his boyfriend right now. He went to shrug, when his normally very subtle hardass boyfriend went full on blunt. James couldn't help but smile sheepishly, he did come on kinda strong when he brought up them getting married. But it was something he had wanted for awhile!

"Hey that's not fair! You'd have had a conniption if I had did the whole thing with you! Can you see me doing that? You'd have said yes, but you have a hella more pride than me Gabe. If I asked you and got down did all the-Wait. You." James spun around away from his boyfriend, "Let me reword this, you didn't ask me because you didn't have a ring?" James snorted quietly, then started laughing, full blown laughter, he climbed on to Gabe's lap, move his knees to either side of his boyfriend's legs. "You're kinda an idiot." Even though the smile on his face was obvious enough to know that James didn't mean it. "You realize you didn't even need to ask right, you could have just told me we were getting married. Literally, TOLD ME, and I'd be just as excited as a bloody ring." James moved his hands on top of Gabe's shoulder's, completely neglecting everything else they've been talking about.

Snorting again, but James didn't comment on the asshole thing, because really that could go down a number of paths, and James didn't want to test the waters. When has Gabe faked happiness? That was a true, even when James got into that thing downstairs, Gabe came and helped him even though he was still pissed. "I..fuck. I'm sorry. I just don't know what to do Gabe, I can't lie to you, I don't want to. I want this..us, to be good. I want you to know everything, just like I want to know everything about you. I can't come lying to you and I can't be putting you in a situation where you don't feel comfortable around me.." James sat back on Gabe's lap, leaning away, looking for defeated. There was no winning here. "Yeah, but difference is, I can put up a silencing spell when you want to practice at ass o'clock in the morning." James said attempting to make a joke about the situation.

Looking down at his hands, James couldn't help but feel good about everything. Everything coming out of his boyfriend's mouth, it was what he never really got to hear. Gabe would cuddle with him sure, but this, this was something more. Gabe didn't toss around this kinds of sayings or affections easily, so hearing them, it made James's stomach fill up with butterflies and he was really trying to his his smile. So he just kissed Gabe instead hard, because those were the perfect vows. That's what James needed to hear, he didn't want to leave, but how could he with Gabe saying the perfect things to keep him? "I love you, fuck, I won't go, I'm sorry. We don't need to get married, fuck, we're gonna be forever even without it." James was radiating, this wasn't what he had pictured, but it was amazing anyway.

Shaking his head, silent saying that Gabe didn't need to cry. That he wasn't leaving. That it was just gonna be okay. James really didn't just didn't have the words this time, he looked down at his bag, it was be dealt with later. He'll put his things back and they'd be okay. "Don't, It's okay, what I did wasn't a mission. I did that, and I shouldn't have, you weren't the only one pisssed off. Hunter was livid. And I..fuck. Shut up okay? Merlin, I am only human too! I can't take you saying all this perfect shit without me exploding! Merlin, you're amazing." Really the younger man was just happy...and he wanted to give a little of that happiness back. "You said something about wanting to go lay down?" James asked a little shyly, looking towards the bedroom.

[Gabriel Roman Sykse]

Gabe listened to James rant and when his boyfriend turned on him and started to laugh after asking a question, he nodded almost cautiously, as if he were unsure. Sometimes he wondered about James mental state, and this was one of those times. He looked off to the side as James climbed on top of him, preventing him from moving. "I'm an idiot," he asked. When James started on about how he didn't need a ring, he raised a brow. "Isn't that what you're supposed to do? I mean, proposing without a ring sort of defeats the purpose. I need people to know that you belong to me. I'm possessive."

The brown eyed male blinked when James apologized. "We're always good. Fighting is normal for couples James, even heated arguments. You always put me in uncomfortable positions, like when you dye your hair blond and wear provocative clothes, or come to my concerts and then go backstage with me and the guys and listen to them tell stupid stories about me, or all the times I have to tag along with you to Hunter's house. It's just what couples do." He then laughed. "I can't help that inspiration comes to me in my sleep. I have to write it all down or else I'll lose it. You don't have to lie to me James, I'm not asking you to. I don't want to be in the dark about this stuff. I know you want to come home and brag."

When James suddenly decided to kiss him, he found himself at  a loss of words, especially after James told him he wouldn't leave. That was a relief. "I'm going to marry you and give you the wedding you want. I'm also going to propose the right way. Like I said, I want the world to know about us James, not just a few friends. I want you to have a ring so those fuckers at the bar will piss off and leave you alone, so that you can be reminded of me when you're millions of miles away. So that our kids can brag about how cool their mother's ring is," he added as a joke. "And I love you too, always have."

Gabe grinned when James whined about being human too before he spoke of heading to the bedroom. Gabe's brown eyes glower. "Yep, I just want to lay down for an hour or two," he said as he pulled James off of him and stood up, stretching. "Come along, Juliet. I shall remind you of why you stay with me."