The stress of being a teacher or more [OPEN]

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It was already afternoon, most classes were done. Or at least Ben didn’t have any today anymore. However the work of a Professor never seemed to be done. There were piles of homework from students he still had to check. Never since he started with this job had the pile been this big. The main source was the fact that lately the Potions Professor was barely present at school. Most students and teachers didn’t bat an eye thinking he was taking care of his sick widowing mother or anything. However that time was spent in a lot more darker proceedings. Well… what the most people thought were dark proceedings. Benjamin was still convinced that he was fighting for a better world.

The door of the Potion’s classroom was open like usual until 5 pm. The reason for that was that Ben always was welcoming students who needed help or Professors who wanted to discuss something. And because he already seemed like a grumpy mean hermit, he figured that this was a way to be open to guests. Besides there were always milk and cookies in one of the cupboards. The teacher was sitting behind his desk. Scribbling some red and some green marks on the parchment which the students worked hard on. Besides the red marks were given tips how things could be improved the next time.

Besides the large pile of paper there was an open silver locked, inside there seemed to be a photo of a happy young couple with their four year old daughter. The man looked slightly like a younger healthier and way happier version of the Professor. There were no scars nor lines or signs of stress on the fact of the man in the picture. The last thing on the desk was a rather large ivory collared cup with a blue liquid in it. The liquid seemed to be smoking faintly and sometimes he took the effort to drink some of it. Followed by a face which people pulled when eating something really disgusting.

As the minutes passed by, Ben’s eyelids closed a little more. He was tired, everything had been a little too much and both his mind and body could not handle it. Especially with the upcoming full moon tomorrow night. Before he noticed his head had fallen on the wooden desk, ink leaving traces on his scarred face. A light snoring sound awoke shortly after. Against his will, he had fallen asleep. The door was still open for any intruders possible. May they be with good or bad intentions, Benjamin would not be able to talk to them unless woken up. The only thing he would have been glad about was the fact that he didn’t talk in his sleep. Sometimes there were a few noises but luckily no words.

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Harry had finished his classes for today and gotten back to the common room where Hermione insisted going over their homework once more, he pulled out his stuff, and realised his potions paper was still in his bag.
So he legged it. It was an impressive feat, running from gryffindor common room to the potions classroom in the dungeons, and he was only slightly out of breath by the end of it too, but he did run smack bang into the door, even though it was open. He didn't fall. It just made a very loud and unplesant sound, too lat because he realised his professor was asleep.

"Er, I'm sorry sir, I just forgot to leave this today."
Harry didn't really know if he should comment on the sleepiness of his professor, he waited for the man to wake up and accept his paper rather than just leave it on his desk, but he got a funny feeling from him. Harry regained his own composure. His shoulder throbbed lightly from where he overshot the doorway. But he stood straight with his chin up.

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Before he knew i the was already in dreams. Only a sudden loud sound had startled him and disturbed his sleep. Not that he was complaining, he hasn’t had a pleasant dreams in more than ten years. Slowly moving his head up, still only half in this world, Benjamin yawned as he rubbed his eyes. As he blinked, there was a clear expression on his face that said ‘where the hell am I?.’ The Professor’s face was quite pale and he was sweating a little. Before he realized that he was behind his desk. Well it still was quite a new place, just a month ago it was still Slughorn’s desk. While Ben usually was a proper man who liked order, he now didn’t look that way at all. Maybe it was because he was a little bit dizzy and his tired face still looked quite peaceful. Hearing a voice of a student, he realized that he hadn’t woken up on his own.

As he turned his head to the voice, his blurry vision started to get sharper. Waking up seemed to be really hard when you still was exhausted. “Uh.. yeah it is all right.. ehm.” His focus was clear now and he saw the student now in detail. “...Mr. Potter.” His voice remained emotionless as he still sounded like he could doze off any time again. Remembering what he was doing before, his eyes shot open and he reached for the mug at the left corner of his desk. Luckily the liquid was still a little bit warm. Without hesitating he brought it to his lips and drank it all in one turn. While such a thing would have been impossible because the potion was incredibly discussing, he knew that he didn’t have much of a choice. Hopefully it would still work but he didn’t have the guts to take the risk. He could not stay at his office.

Moving his attention back to the student, he tried to swipe the disgust from his face that the potion had brought along. So this was the Harry Potter? The boy who lived and killed his lord. Not really knowing what to say or what the boy knew, he just blankly stared at him. Another reason could be because he still was only half awake. “Make sure you get it right the next time.” He said, knowing that he usually would have given a student a speech about getting things done and sometimes even extra homework. Most students said that he was strict, moody and stiff, a hybrid of McGonagall and Snape, a rumour that he denied at all cost. Today he seemed a little bit off, hopefully would Mr. Potter just shrug it away and leave.

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Harry had heard the rumors of Professor Burke being Snape-like but Harry didn't think so. He took in the obvious tiredness, the confusion on waking and the cup of faintly smoking something that he knew wasn't coffee. Even the expression of disgust at the taste was the same as Remus had pulled back in third year.
Werewolf. "Yeah, sorry, slipped my mind." He said Absentmindedly.

"It's a shame you can't add sugar to that, to make it taste better, I mean. It won't work." he said testing the waters. He still was not comfortable around this teacher. And it wasnt because he was a werewolf. Harry couldn't help it when his eyes flicked to the left arm of the man. It was covered; And even that caused panic to grip him.
He was being paranoid. The war was over. He'd watched Tom die.

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“Next time this won’t be a valid excuse. You should get your work done just like everyone else.” He said, now a little more awake and more of his usual strict persona. Well, he still didn’t make a big fuss about it right now, the boy was lucky. Taking the parchment which Potter had turned in, he quickly ran his eyes over it. A frown appeared on his face before he put it at the bottom of the work that still needed to be checked. “Very well, I think that I’ll be able to give your grade tomorrow.” If he managed to get everything done without falling asleep again that was.

As Potter spoke again, Ben froze for a second, there was a strange look on his face that was a mixture of fear, anger and guilt. His eyes narrowed and glared through those of the boy, almost hoping he could read his mind. As soon as he noticed what was going on, he quickly alternated his expression. All that in just a mere seconds. Now his face looked confused, even when it was fake people barely could tell the difference usually. “I 'm sorry, I don’t seem to understand? How would you know that a mixture of coffee, invigoration draught and sugar won’t work? Although... you seem to be right though, I’m still tired.”
 
He took his wand, cleaned the cup and put it in one of the drawers of his desk. “I guess trying out new things doesn’t always work out.” He shook his head. “Never have been a great fan of coffee. Ah I tried to mix Invigoration draught with it, for a mega energy boost. This job is eating my energy quicker than I expected.” He tried to come up with the quickest excuse he could find. Not even the headmistress knew about his condition. Even more people knew that he was a death eater than that. There were only six people who knew about his illness and he would keep it that way. It was embarrassing and it ate his pride he once had.

Noticing where the eyes of the boy rested on, he tried to ignore it, to avoid being suspicious. “Is there anything else I can do for you, Mr. Potter?” He asked firmly as he took the parchment that was on top of the big pile and started to study it.

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"Er, it was done, I just forgot to hand it in today, doesn't matter,"[/b] he babbled. Nodding.

"No I just-" Harry began. The anxiousness was getting worse. The Paranoia. But this man was lying about the invigoration draught. A blue potion which was faintly smoking and tasted foul? Professor Burke was a werewolf.

It was not what was making Harry uneasy. Except that this man might need help. Like Remus. It was Harry's saving people thing. Or he was just a nosey brat, the Dursleys had told him that last enough. He was still paranoid. Was it just that he didn't know this man. The name Burke he knew from somewhere.
Maybe he'd ask Hermione. But he didn't want her to think he was losing his mind. He already wished she'd just let him go straight to his Aurour training. They couldn't be slack now that they all thought they were safe. It was the best time to strike.
He was thinking like a warlord. Like Dumbeldore now. He was head of the order, thanks Kingsley.

"Sir, potions isn't my best subject, but I know what that one was, I just, er, its okay, you know. Professor McGonagall won't hold it against you - it's something we fought for, you know everyone being equal. It's a different time now that Tom's dead. You don't have to be afraid of people finding out. Er, yeah." Harry managed. He was never great with words, certainly more comfortable with grand actions.

Why was he even here? This man had been likened to Snape for Merlin's sake. Snape would have his head if he tried to offer what, help? Friendship?
Then again Snape had really needed a friend, in the end.
Gryffindor courage at full capacity he stood tall and waited for his professors reaction.

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The parchments remained unchecked, because Potter was really getting on the Professor’s nerves. Ben had trouble controlling himself now. Breathing slowly in and out, counting till ten with his eyes closed. He made sure that his wand was now out of his reach so he would not do anything stupid and hex a student. That was the difference between these students and his trainees, he wasn’t allowed to use magic on these.

His short cut nails sunk into the wooden desk, with force he tried to contain his short fury temper. Always had he tried to look as human as possible even when the huge scar on the left side of his face was unable to camouflage. He could not believe what Potter was saying, he was beginning to panic. Beauclaire found out not so long ago too, was it that obvious? Curses, he had not been careful enough. And why did it had to be this stubborn kid to figure it out?

“If you know what it was…” He started, his voice growling a little his teeth, now finally opening his eyes. “You’d better make sure you keep your meddler mouth shut before I’m forced to take away your memories.” With fierce eyes he looked into those of the student. Behind the fierceness there was a shade of anxiety and self-hatred. Even when two years had passed, he still wasn't used to or had accepted his fate. Let along talking with others about it while he knew they would just turn their back. There was no way he’d allow this to leak out even if it meant threatening students. The comment about everyone being equal sounded like something a child would say. It was simply adorable that he boy thought he’d made the world a better place now. Benjamin almost felt sorry for him.

“Equality? Don’t make me laugh, boy. That’s a meaningless word that doesn’t apply in this society, there will always be difference and hatred in this world. Don’t you dare to believe you dare to believe that now the Dark Lord is gone and you’ve become a hero for the second time that everything is peaceful now.” His tone was almost mocking and he felt like some of the insanity that Azkaban had brought along began to show on the surface.

“Out of this classroom now!” The words were filled with fear, the idea of losing everything for a 3rd time, the little last bit of humanity he still had left,  just was too much. With his hands he rushed through his thick black hair and he stared plainly at the desk.

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Harry's lip curled and he wrapped his fingers around the handle of his wand in his robe pocket.

the dark lord

He drew his wand, Burke was a death eater. Or had been. Only death eaters called Voldemort 'The Dark Lord' it had been true for Snape, for Barty Crouch Jr, even when he was pretending to be Mad-Eye.
Despite taking a defensive stance he was backing out of the room. Harry was pretty stupid, but he wasn't about to start a fight when no one knew where he'd gone. He'd have to talk to McGonagall. Or Kingsley or someone. The Death Eaters were planning something, he knew it.

"Voldemort's dead, professor, and we'd have peace if you and yours would just let go! You're a werewolf, they'd condem you anyway!"

That proves it then, Harry Potter knew a death eater when he saw one. His gut instincts were right. He'd leave, but he wanted to see what Burke would do next, and he didn't really want to leave a death eater in the school without knocking him out or something first. Besides Harry Potter was never one to back down from a fight.

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Benjamin finally managed for some reason to calm down. What just happened still was sinking in but he wondered how he could have messed up this easily. It only took a month and a student already had figured out what he tried to hide from the world. It made him frustrated but he knew anger would not get him anywhere. Just now he had let himself slip and he had to face the consequences. Now watched as Potter put up a defensive position and started to back out.

“Yes he’s gone, I know, I read the papers. The news has gone through the whole wizarding world.” He spoke calmly without much of emotion. Mainly because it seemed that deep down even when he had told himself to stay loyal, he didn’t care for the Dark Lord. Even deeper down there was the hate he had build for the man who he’d sacrificed everything for. How easily his lord had casted him out after he was bitten. Then again, it was the only thing he has left. The one happy successful hard working Benjamin seemed so far away. His jaw tightened as the word ‘werewolf’ was spoken. It was something he didn’t like to be called. It reminded him about the last things his wife said to him before she demanded the divorce.

“However this is not what it is about. I know some believe that now he is gone, so is the hate. There is only one problem; hate depends on the person, it is in their vines. It is something that needs time to fade, it cannot be changed by one man more or less. Only some things never will come back. Just like I can never be human again or get my family back. And you Mr. Potter, need to learn how to let go and move on.” Still calm, he could actually starting to feel compassion for the person people told was the enemy. Now he seemed like a normal student and there was no way that Benjamin could harm a child.

“The war is over but not in your head, I can see that. Talk to your friends and try to move on. I haven’t been your teacher for that long. I just started after the big battle here when Slughorn left and you returned not much later. After all you’ve been through it is only normal to be paranoid and confused. If you need any calming draught at any time. I always keep some stocks in one of my cabins, you’re free to use it if it helps.” He knew he was lying when he said that the war was over but he sounded so convincing almost scared himself. For a short amount of time he totally didn’t know any more what he wanted. "I have only one little request. Please keep what you know a secret. I must keep this job, it's the only way I can keep an eye out on my daughter." His eyes almost looked desperate, maybe because he was.

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Harry lowered his wand. What? did their potions professor just imply he was mental?
Harry had the proof, Burke was a death eater - he said the dark lord
Was Harry loosing it? His paranoia has always been right - except Sirius.
That wasn't paranoia.
"I"m not paranoid." he said strongly, a harsh glare settled on his face. "And I know peace wont come instantly. But cut off the head and the body will follow. Eventually the rest of the Death Eaters will be rounded up and locked back up in Azkaban. I'm not naive, I know there will still be hate but it will be less, wont cause so many problems. Hopefully people won't get the idea they're better than someone else because of what their parents are, or at least act on it. I don't need calming draught, thanks professor. And I won't say anything."

He still didn't trust the man, he didn't like how easily he seemed to make Harry feel like he was losing his mind. He'd watch Burke and if it came to it, he had this big secret on him, didn't he? Harry nodded and backed out of the room, he'd said he wasn't paranoid with such conviction he'd even fooled himself for a second, but now he was acting like a crazy person.
He resolved to quadruple his efforts in helping the order find the last of the death eaters.